I come from a long line of distracted.

Maybe you do too. 

Someone who is distracted while another is trying to talk to them.

Someone who wakes up already distracted.

Distracted by thoughts of something wrong from the past. 

A problem they want to solve. 

A worry they can’t control. 

An argument that still hurts.

They wake up thinking.

They sit there thinking.

Not feeling. Thinking.

About what? 

Repeat.

How.

Why.

Repeat.

After my mom was treated for cancer I saw it more and more. 

I thought, after you fight cancer, you just know. The only thing that matters is what’s in front of you. What that day holds. What you want to do, live.

I thought, that distraction of the past.

Regret.

Anger.

Worry.

I thought, it goes away, right? 

You’ve earned that.

Instead, distracted.

Now, I catch myself.

I catch myself distracted by the same pain. The same frustrations.

 

I stop.

I look up.

I see my garden.

I see the photos on the wall.

I taste the lemon in my morning hot water.

I feel my feet in my sandals.

I hear my daughter walking towards me.

I feel better.

When she awakes first thing in the morning, 

Or while at work, sitting quietly at her desk?

When she arrives home and faces her family

Or alone, crying herself to sleep.

 

She closes her eyes

Inhale. Hold. Exhale.

Each breath she removes one thought

Exterminates those unnecessary pests.

 

She places her feet flat on the ground,

To feel the earth beneath her

Piloting her to the present.

She is anchored again.

 

Each affair is an obstacle. 

She has practice asking herself

“What is the worst case scenario?” 

She recites a prayer. Can anyone hear her?